Below the surface 🌊✨

I didn’t realize what and how much I was grieving throughout the past couple of years until the last quarter of this one - patterns, behaviors, people, places, past versions of myself, relationships (of all kinds), outdated ways of thinking, being, before times lol - what I’ve learned out of this time, is more about the process of intentional shedding & letting go. Time, for me lately, has felt like Earth as marble spinning out of control in space. Do you feel it too? 

I don’t feel alone though. I’ve felt there’s been a lot of collective grief of many kinds especially looking back in the year…I’m grateful for the opportunities to allow this feeling to move through me —  free from any judgement or expectation placed on it, both within and outside myself — in ways I didn’t or didn’t know how to before that now allow me to celebrate, renew, recover, reflect, refine, satiate, & rejoice in the process.

Taking it to the water really came through, comforted, and helped me. A world in itself and yet majority of this earth: The ocean, a terrain largely unseen and unknown - depths still unexplored. 

(A reflection after a very vivid meditation in January): 

Drifting through shifty waters, I finally land ashore.

The highest cliff above me holds the largest lighthouse I’ve ever saw.

Pebbles, dust, & earth start to crumble at its floor - Dropping the house to a level where I can open its majestic door.

I’m reminded of a sweet older lady, an ancestor soon to come. Who used to keep a miniature similar lighthouse, on a shelf in her room. 

Maybe it’s her friendly reminder to me, to never allow myself to succumb:

 —To the doubts in my mind or of any other kind & to always follow my inner voice. —

Inside was the largest diamond I’ve ever seen and it operated the most brilliant, gigantic, illuminating ray for all to see and for all who are ever lost. 

-nd, circa 2022 

Thanks to the peeps who share(d) time, laughs, rants, joy, dreams, tears, silence, sadness, rage, peace, love, music, wisdom, passion, patience, temperance, food, gratitude, and space with me and making it extra special 💞💫.

“The space between my grief and my ability to bloom again is not empty.” 

*living in constant reminder that energy doesn’t die - it transmutes, transforms, transcends.

Take great care out there ✨ ps. with billions of ppl in this world, you never know who’s version of a lighthouse you are. 

 #bealighthouse #shinebright

#belowthesurface

#akaesperanza 

#iamhere